|Something's not quite right.|
The first installment in a slightly less bile-filled series of lists about things that confuse and perplex me. I suspect this might have something to do with my age.
1) Quilted toilet paper
|A close-up of this strange phenomenon. Why would you pin-prick flowers onto your poop roll?|
I just don’t get quilted toilet paper (also known as QTP). It is evidently too thick to be of 100% efficacy for one’s nether regions, and it certainly looks anything but good taste. For me, quilted toilet paper is akin to those gold plastic boxes that people put tissues into to disguise the (far more aesthetically pleasing) cardboard box. Am I alone in thinking that QTP is not to be found in the finer establishments of this hallowed isle of Great Britain? I have visited Eltham Palace. It was not there. I have been to Claridges. It was not there. But I have found it in an old lady's bathroom (not my mother's, thankfully), along with a doll in a knitted dress coyly hiding another QTP roll under her voluminous pink skirts.
2) Tight jeans with saggy bottoms
|I think I am going blind|
3) Smart Water
|Have you seen this water? Call 0900-SuckerPunch now|
That is all. For now.