I dont often forward things on, but a warning to you: if a man comes to your door and says he is conducting a survey, and asks to see your bum, do NOT show him your bum.
This is a scam. He only wants to see your bum.
Please take a second to forward this to your friends. I wish I had known this yesterday. I feel so dirty and cheap.
If a gorilla shows you his bum he's expressing contempt, but the rules are obviously different for Mermaids. If I had a choice between seeing your bum naked and patting it fully clothed, I think I would rather pat it.
ReplyDeleteDo you have a description? Was he of short stature with a hump? Was there a permanent glide in one eye? Did one of his teeth protrude? Was his hair oddly spiky? Did he have unusually long and prehensile arms and show a gift for climbing? Did he speak in slurred tones so that you had the greatest difficulty in understanding; so great, indeed, that you asked him to write his request on the reporter's pad you keep always about your person? Was he also deaf and unable to understand your answers unless these too were written down?
ReplyDeleteIf so, I must with great regret tell my twin brother to surrender to the police. He has form for this kind of thing. Don't expect a prosecution, though. Last time went to ground.
(Signed)
Your Neighbourhood Watch Co-ordinator
Reminds me of the British Gas advert a couple of years ago. "That's the boiler done, now I'm just going to check your back passage, Missus."
ReplyDeleteSerious.
Have a nice weekend.
It is Modo, Mermaid. See my post of 11th October.
ReplyDelete(Can anyone explain how I could have put a link in this post to my post?)
Admit it, merms, this scam involves other parts of the anatomy, but you have cleansed the story to read "bum".
ReplyDeleteIn my rugby-playing youth, we thoroughly enjoyed showing our bums to unfortunate motorists on the M4, as we returned on the coach from another huge victory over Harrow or Radley.
Damn, Lilith. And I made the same lousy comment then too.
ReplyDeleteWell at least I'm consistent.
Lilith, use HREF, like this:
ReplyDeleteHave a look at {a href="http://www.site.com"}this{/a} site.
But use angle brackets < > instead of curly ones. A space follows "{a": {a href etc.
Mermaid
ReplyDeleteChances are you were paranoid and all he wanted to see was your "MUM"
No doubt the poor chap is traumatised.
Have you waxed the crack lately?
GB - I am not sure what you're saying - my ass is not that big. How else would I be able to swim? I'd have greenpeace trying to push me back into the water
ReplyDeleteGB - I am not sure what you're saying - my ass is not that big. How else would I be able to swim? I'd have greenpeace trying to push me back into the water
ReplyDeleteLilith - oh no! I thought it was a facebook thing and had not made its way to the blogosphere. Sadly alas I was wrong. I am an ass. And what a bum rap. Still, you got there first so you lead, I will follow oh lovely lilith.
ReplyDeleteThat was one Bum Joke Merms.
ReplyDeleteAs you like bottom jokes I`ll have to think of one for my next post !
The End is near.
ReplyDeleteThe End is in sight.
The Bottom is falling out of the market.
He's one of the new government inspectors come to fit a microchip in your crack to record how often you take a dump. More than twice a day and you have to fork out £66.69 for a butt plug. EU directive 220998.
ReplyDeleteMartin T - ha ha ha! Probably is a Brussels inspector, he did look rather like Dennis' description, and had a foreign, suspicious-like accent. Dennis, is your twin an EU-phile as well?
ReplyDeletePS.. Idle, I assure you, it was definitely BUM. The same goes to HITCH.
ALSO, EXCUSE ME? HAIRY CRACK? How VERY dare you?
Do hope he warmed his hands... I hate cold callers...
ReplyDeleteI tend to not wear pants when I conduct any survey so this advice doesn't help me at all.
ReplyDeleteMermaid, yes he is Belgian.
ReplyDeleteI am French, of course.
I'm saying that touching is better than seeing, Mermaid. I would never imply your peachy ass was too big!
ReplyDeleteLike this Dennis?
ReplyDeletebummer
I am sorry you were caught out by this scam too, Merms. I should have warned you about Modo. But I have, on the bright side :-), learned how to put a link in a comment!!!!:-)))Thanks Dennis
ReplyDeletethey have been pulling that crap in the states for years!!! and they never tell you till it's too late...another one they do is the traveling breast exam...apparently the man is not a real doctor and only likes to feel women's breast...who'da thunk it?
ReplyDeletedaisy.
ReplyDeletewhere do you send off for the application form? many thanks.
mrshifty...i believe it is a trade school in indiana...
ReplyDeletedaisy.
ReplyDeletein that case i'm a convert to indiana, whatever that means.
What about tHe Gay Scottish Plasterer called Phil McCraken.....Ged it ? Phil Mccraken ..... Oh nevermind !
ReplyDeleteNo offence intended to any Gay persons or Hitch.
TRUBES! That is funneeeeeeeee. H ah aha ha ha
ReplyDeleteLilith, please don't mention it.
ReplyDeleteMy invoice is in the post.
About Phil -- he's famous, see here. (E.g. 2nd one up from the bottom left-hand corner.)
indiana is a state about an hour away from where i reside in illinois...and believe me, there is more than corn in indiana (their state motto)....john cougar melloncamp and david letterman are from that state originally...
ReplyDeletenice place to visit but you wouldn't want to live there!
Phil McCracken? I've 'ad 'im. Not a plasterer just plastered. No offence taken.
ReplyDeletedaisy.
ReplyDeletethey say something similar about lambeth, london.
not a place to visit and you wouldn't want to live there.
Dennis,
ReplyDeleteYou are French?
Sorry to hear that )+:
You also have a hump back and strange eyes, these days people overlook that kind of thing , but French?
I'd keep that quiet.
Hitch.
Knock, Knock...........
ReplyDeleteJohn G... Dare I ask who is there?
ReplyDeleteMr Shifty - there's nowt wrong with Lambeth, except we all walk funny and sing little cockerney songs as we go about our daily tasks, OY!
Dennis - French, really? How sad for you. L'enfant terrible.
nowt? how many yorkshire folk are having a knees up round your way these days?
ReplyDelete'Itch, Mermaid, 'ave you not 'eard of Victor 'Ugo?
ReplyDeleteKnock Knock ....
ReplyDeletenick, nick....
ReplyDeleteI'm highly offended by Trubes' comment about gay Scotsmen.
ReplyDeleteI'd bet good money, say 50 Queen Elizabeths, that this scam works best on Americans.
ReplyDeleteDaisy...can we see your bum...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDaisy - the canadians came up with a 10 reasons why Letterman should visit Nova Scotia - I have yet to see it but Old Tarf may be putting it on his blog if he can work it out!
ReplyDeleteDennis - we know about victor 'Ugo, but we just wanted an excuse to lambast the french. French, Americans, Scotsmen - we'll take all comers and rout them thoroughly.
I'd swap Jonathan Woss for Letterman any day.
ReplyDelete"Scotchmen", please.
ReplyDeletetoo late, I already showed him my bum and my front bottom too. Still, he gave me 50p for it so I thought it was well worth it.
ReplyDeleteemmak.
ReplyDeleteWe give a 20% bonus for front bottoms. You wuz robbed.
fingers...that wasn't even a good try...you should take notes from beast...
ReplyDeletemermaid...i don't particularly like david letterman but when my son was a newborn he would wake up every night for his show (which started at midnight) and fall asleep at the end...i ended up with that routine for almost a year...every night...that's enough david for anyone...
When the man came to my door he took one look, screamed and ran off. I had to chase him for about two miles before I could show him.
ReplyDeleteWhat is the world coming to.
splund! Ha ha ha! I dare not ask. Was it a hitch-nailpolish-electrokevin-bandage affair?
ReplyDeletesplund.
ReplyDeletewith a face like yours who can blame him? no offense.
btw, commiserations for living in didcot.
Mrs Kaufman
ReplyDeleteYour postal order for fifty pence was a photocopy, and you will find that you are unable to cash it.
and the morals of this tale, dear readers...never answer the door to strangers, but more importantly, stop showing strange men your posterior ;-)
ReplyDeleteEmma - I think you can claim tax back on that - if he showed you his government badge, you can fill out a form, photocopying your ass for the purposes of combating ID fraud, and that should get you 30% of your upfront costs reimbursed.
ReplyDeleteHowever, if the culprit was Modo, you won't see a brass farthing of it.
Fingers - can we actually start calling our money Queen Elizabeths?
ReplyDelete£50 (a "pony") - Princess Anne
£1 = 1 Queen Elizabeth
50p - A prince Charles
2ps/1ps- Copper Nobs (prince Harry)
What's a "monkey" then ? (Or WHO more to the point ?)
ReplyDeletemy chest is on show on my own blog
ReplyDeleteI thought of showing my butt,then had an attack of good taste.
I hope that you all enjoy it, I oiled it.
thass'enough bum talk for now. Ed.
ReplyDeleteBeauteous Maid of the Seas - you got it in one.. I bow to no man (or woman, or farm animal) in perviness.
ReplyDeleteBrian - Thanks for the kind words. I had to stun Mrs Splund with rohypnol before she would walk up the aisle. The Splund is the President of the Ladygrove Liberation Front, a body with the sole aim of declaring the independence of the Ladygrove Park estate from the rest of Didcot, the rest to then be ploughed under and seeded with quicklime. But thanks for the commiserations.