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Wednesday, March 12, 2008

So I want to bet on the markets?

Mermaid's Fantasy Portfolio

All I am saying is that natural resources are going to rebound so don't question my highest allocation to the fund! We can't go over 20 per cent in the fantasy portfolio otherwise I'd back Ian Henderson 100 per cent. Ian Henderson is a genius.

Here's a picture of him below so you can see his geniosity. And I have many stories about him, including the lobbing of a bread roll at New Star during an awards dinner many years ago. Ah that was a good one!

Ian Henderson

47 comments:

The Old Tarf said...

I hope it was a stale bread roll that gets further distance.

I have been told a lot lately." That I live in a fantasy World." I wonder what that means!!!

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

It means:

You cannot keep putting red socks in the washing machine with the whites

You cannot expect to wear that jumper and be an online music impressario

You can wait til I come over and we'll watch all that sci-fi and fantasy stuff together and flip the bird to people who gainsay it!

The Old Tarf said...

Sounds great to us. instead of flipping the Bird. How about flipping the cat.

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

Poor patches! I can't do that to my four-legged furry purry!

How about flipping pancakes?

drenvil said...

Barkiss is willing

Tuscan Tony said...

How about flipping the light fantastic?

Gorilla Bananas said...

Barkiss is willing? Did someone just propose to you, Mermaid? I don't believe Henderson is a genius. If he had any balls he'd be investing in banks.

The Hitch said...

hmmmmmmm
If only you had listened to genius Hitch
BUY GOLD @650
I despise wankers like this, they are no different from the oh so precious whitehall "mandarins"
Smug , impotent and scruffy.

Anonymous said...

This man invests in gold! He is pure gold. And he;s a very nice person too. Doing alright for my SIPP, is Mr Ian Henderson.

King of Scurf said...

According to Wikpedia, Ian Henderson is known as The Butcher of Bahrain and was also alleged to have used torture to suppress the Mau Mau uprising in Kenya.

If you want to entrust this man with your money, I would be cautious when you come to ask for it back.

Or have I got the wrong bloke?

fingers said...

I bought 10,000 May futures contracts of Indian rubber so I'm hoping it will bounce...

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

Groan! I bought some shares in water when I was feeling flush, but think the value has gone down the pan...

Daisy said...

i say flip the cat...have a ball...and swim strong dear mermaid!

The Hitch said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
The Old Tarf said...

I just bought a bunch of shares in a sneaker factory.

I now have a lot more "Sole". Not bad for a old Heel.

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

I made so much on pork bellies that I treated myself to a slap-up meal. Now I feel like a pig.

Destiny Angel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Destiny Angel said...

'pols. What I meant to say is, 'Why is it that the people who know about gold are so much cleverer than the rest of us?'

electro-kevin said...

I say buy shares in KY jelly.

Soon to be popular in da YooKay after Darling's buttock-clenching budget.

Also videos on rectal loosening exercises will be flying off the shelves like hot cakes.

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

destiny angel - I think they're not so much clever as just richer than the rest of us! I could only just about afford one Troy Oz of gold. Best off Robbing Argos.

mutleythedog said...

It won't let me look - does it know something I don't? It says I have "logged out after a prolonged period of inactivity" - but I can't remember ever logging in!! Is this early onset dementia do you think?

I don't know who that man is anyway - he looks like an old maths teacher of mine but that was years ago and hes probably dead by now..

The Hitch said...

Merms
if you were to melt down the whole Argos inventory of soveriegn rings, clowns and hoop earings I doubt if you could even come up with an ounce of pure gold, plus you would have the residents of every council estate in the land after your blood.
Stick to the lottery, its safer.

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

Hitch - you're not wrong there!

I used to have shares in a paper company, but it... FOLDED.

I used to invest in P&O but it was a sinking fund.

I used to invest in Mining companies, until they went under.

electro-kevin said...

I bought shares in rubber dolls but they went down on me - so it wasn't all bad news really.

Their value was weakened by hyper-inflation and low elasticities as well as the heavy pound(ing).

Kieran said...

You had me worried for a moment.

lugubrious c**t said...

I used to buy second hand cars from fellas like Henderson but they crashed.

electro-kevin said...

Does that link thru' on Kieran's comment go through to everyone's editing page or is it just me ?

Anonymous said...

When Richard Fillbin joined F&C I thought well it takes one to know one.

Kieran said...

No electro-kev, it does that to everyone. It's the greatest link in the world. It would've made you happy. So happy. There would've been tears, of that I'm sure.

But it doesn't work.

lapis lazuli said...

Barkis is more than willing.

The Hitch said...

Merms I used to invest in Eros centres but they went down.

Fruit was good until it all when pear shaped.

I bought a few shares in a puppy farm but they turned out to be dog ruff.

Destiny Angel said...

Being an Eternal means I am one of those rare beings who really does invest for the long term. Just as well, as I have Tycho Brahe's nose for a good investment.

I inherited some stock in Apple - it was a windfall that went pear shaped. My own first investment was in Swedish Match; I got burnt. My BAT holdings went up in smoke while my shares in General Electric got shorted. I bought Cattles during a bull run and then went into Mothercare, defensively, but still got blown out. My £360 in Compass Group went south and my call option in Northern Rock is still out of the money.

So I tried my luck with investment trusts but my holding in Law Debenture had a rights issue. Oh, and I invested in Toblerone but the returns were, ahem, nugatory.

Think I'll just bury what's left in the ground.

The Hitch said...

I bought shares in a gym chain but it didnt work out.

Somebody offered me shares in Jordan , I thought the country , it was katie price and it all went tits up.

Daisy said...

my brother is a trader...i know what really happens with your breed...he still isn't any good at lying to me...but seems to pull it off with everyone else in his life...

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

Destiny Angel! LOL! very amusing my etherial guardian light!

I invested in a glasses warehouse but the management had no vision.

I invested in Fingers' fund but it was just rubbish.

The Hitch said...

I was thinking of investing in fingers fund but it smelt fishy.

I had thought of investing in a rollercoaster factory but then I noticed that the market was always up and down.

I had shares in andrex but they almost wiped me out, Kleenex finaly blew it for me.

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Tuscan Tony said...

Notebooks, you are The Hitch on a drunken blog-promotion day and I claim my full brazilian.

The Old Tarf said...

I had invested in Snow Banks and Ice Blocks.

But found out they couldn't take the heat and melted away.

The Hitch said...

I was going to open a dog grooming business but my accountant said I was barking mad.

I bought shares in a laxative manufacturers then the bottom fell out of the market.

I invested in a male brothel and ended up getting shafted.

electro-kevin said...

I bought shares in my train company but they hit the buffers.

My investment in Schindler lifts went through the roof.

I also bought a share in viagra and it stayed up.

Sadly my shares in chicken farming went all to cock.

lubeck said...

Barkis is spilling.

EmmaK said...

I say invest in silicone implants, it is a market that can only inflate and never collapse.

The Hitch said...

mermaid , please post something new so we can stop this terrible punning.

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

I invested in technology but it's virtually worthless

Mermaid of Moorgate said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Destiny Angel said...

EmmaK, alas you are mistaken. It's a market which can all too easily go tits up.