Oh my darling Clementine
I once put three small Clementines in my mouth at the same time.
I was doing this at a summer garden party, for the sole purpose of showing off to my then boyfriend's younger brother and cousin to prove I was 'cool'.
While I was Clemmed up, I heard a clipped female voice behind me calling my name.
I spun round - it was ... his Cheltenham Ladies' College mother standing there ready to introduce me to her family.
I froze with embarrassment for a second, and promptly ejected all three Clems out of my mouth into my hand. Before she could even blink in surprise, I tried to redeem the situation by 'splaining.
However, all I could muster was holding out the spittle-covered Clementines towards her in the palm of my trembling hand, saying "Clementines." Hurrr
The teenagers whom I (actually successfully) impressed were rolling on the floor laughing their EMO butts off.
Suffice it to say, I am no longer friends with the ex boyfriend, but his young brother and cousin are still in regular contact.