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Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Mermaid's got the new shoes blues

Here's a perfect illustration of my latent stupidity... I blame being blonde, but I suspect that most women have a similar tale, and probably some men as well...

This is the story... cast your minds back to a warmer time (May), when the sun shone and the time for little kitten heels and bright yellow shoes was just what the fashionistas ordered.

There was Merms, standing on Streatham station platform in her new bright yellow shoes, with matching top and her best jeans, ready for a first date in London with some chap she met online.

Anyway, there was Merms, waiting with her best friend, Paddy's mum, who had stayed chez Mermaid overnight after a concert.

The train rolled in... and Mermins realised, to her chagrin, that her cute yellow kitten heel was caught in a trap, there was no way out, because she'd stepped onto a drain grating, baby. As she struggled to free herself, the train pulled in to a hissing stop. The doors opened. People got on, all the while looking at Paddy's Mum and the Mermins desperately attempting to set my foot free from its griddled metal prison.

The train driver got out of his carriage.

'You alright miss?'

'It's okay, I'll get the next train, thank you,' quoth I.

The driver got back into his cab, and continued to watch us from there.

'Why isn't the train moving?' I asked myself. By this point, both of us were kneeling on the station platform. I had taken my foot out of the blasted darn yellow piece of leathery overpriced crap, and was twisting the shoe this way and that while Paddy's Mum was kneeling down trying to hold the metal grating down.

At this point, I glanced up at the train. From somewhere in the train came a wispy tannoy announcement, too faint for me to hear. Was it a warning about baggage? A travel update? No no no... it was evident what the driver's message was to those passengers.

For, as the train slowly pulled out of the station, every person on our side of the train was standing up, or sitting right next to the window, watching the spectacle and videoing on their mobile phones.

I wandered lonely as a cloud... until I saw a host of golden shoes!!!


Gorilla Bananas said...

Isn't it funny how people stare at someone having a slight mishap? You should have waved and blown kisses at them, Mermaid. Never show embarrassment, it's like blood to sharks.

Daisy said...

oh mermaid...and yellow shoes to boot! they don't fair very well in "accidents" and you can't take a black marker to them to fix them...i probably would have dislocated my knee trying to bring my foot out of the shoe...knowing me...either that or broke my ankle because i didn't notice it was least several peeps have your picture!!! you are now famous!!! the yellow shoe lady of london!!!!!!

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

Funny enough, GB, I did actually wave and smile. It's all you can do!

Daisy - well, the shoes fared a lot better than I thought - the heel is still intact, though there are some scuffle marks.

Not the best start to a date, is it?!?!

Blue Eyes said...

That brought a smile to my morning! I would like to think that I would have leaped off the train to lend my engineering experience. But then again maybe I would have enjoyed a quiet chuckle as well...

Merry Christmas!

The Old Tarf said...

Well It appears you were a Mellow Yellow Mermaid.

lilith said...

That is the kind of thing that happens when you try and put shoes on a tail! Swish! Your dignity in the face of public humiliation is an inspiration Merms. Lovely to have you back.

Anonymous said...

You should carry lard everywhere with you in case of this kind of emergency. I know I do!

EmmaK said...

lol...I feel your pain
maybe you can 'fix' the scuff marks with some bits of Banana flavored bubblegum
?? just trying to help

Trubes said...

Ha ha that was a funny yarn Mermies...Happy New Year.


Mermaid of Moorgate said...

Hehe! Thanks Lilith, it is good to be back and I shall endeavour to be less elusive this year!

Mutley - Thanks for the buttery tip Mutters, I usually do carry a tub of lard, but mermaids dont want to end up battered in a chip shop somewhere in the grim and frozen north!

Emma K - banana bubblegum, eh? Where can I get that now that Woolworth's has closed?

Trubes! So lovely to hear from you. I hope you are having a lovely new year so far?

idle said...

Serves you right. I mean, YELLOW shoes? What got into your head?

Bet this wouldn't have happened with a sober pair of dark navy court shoes.

Now that I've got that off my chest, I'm off for a round of golf wearing the fetching and understated tartan slacks my Texan cousin sent me for christmas.

Destiny Angel said...

Apologies for the long delay Merms but I have been eyeless in Gaza reminding my people how Samson's terrible strength inadvertently brought the house down around him.

Anyway, speaking of old tales, I would say that your story has all the makings of a modern version of Cinderella and therefore conclude that the date remained as virtual as my presence in the world.

PS good job they weren't red shoes or you would have also danced yourself to the point of exhaustion for the entertainment of the youtube masses. Not to mention the younetworksoutheast masses.

electro-kevin said...

Ha ! Funny story, but that doesn't sound like an ASLE&F driver to me - we're far too chivalrous and cultured.

One of the West Coast Thunderbirds (rescue locos) is named The Dark Prince - after the gentleman who used to be our General Secretary (Lou Adams). Always with a keen eye for a pretty lady, the handsome devil would have both rescued you and thrown down his cape for you to walk upon.