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Friday, December 10, 2010

Oh my darling Clementine

Oh my darling Clementine

I once put three small Clementines in my mouth at the same time.

I was doing this at a summer garden party, for the sole purpose of showing off to my then boyfriend's younger brother and cousin to prove I was 'cool'.

While I was Clemmed up, I heard a clipped female voice behind me calling my name.

I spun round - it was ... his Cheltenham Ladies' College mother standing there ready to introduce me to her family.

I froze with embarrassment for a second, and promptly ejected all three Clems out of my mouth into my hand. Before she could even blink in surprise, I tried to redeem the situation by 'splaining.

However, all I could muster was holding out the spittle-covered Clementines towards her in the palm of my trembling hand, saying "Clementines." Hurrr

The teenagers whom I (actually successfully) impressed were rolling on the floor laughing their EMO butts off.

Suffice it to say, I am no longer friends with the ex boyfriend, but his young brother and cousin are still in regular contact.


Gorilla Bananas said...

What kind of humourless git would hold a grudge against you for having clementines in your mouth when his mother addressed you?

Electro-Kevin said...

I would, Gorilla.

I've met The Mermaid and she is a disgrace !

The Beast with the golden behind said...

You are a bit mental but then who am I to judge
The ex BFs mother sounds about as much of a c*** as he is
Any woman who can manage to insert three pieces of citrus fruit into her gob at once is a friend of mine
Did I misspell anything in this post Miss sub ed?

Anonymous said...
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Electro-Kevin said...

Happy Christmas !

Philipa said...

Happy new year, Merms.

Loved the humourless git story, I can relate to that one!

Philipa said...

Happy new year, Merms.

Loved the humourless git story - I can definitely relate to that one!

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

EK I am no disgrace! It wasn't me with a Glock in my handbag now was it!

Beast - twas lovely to see thee and no, your post was fine!

Gorilla. Actually he didn't hold a grudge against me. We just lived 200 miles apart so naturally it just ended. He thought the clem incident was amusing, if embarrassing!