So I was sitting on the bus home last night.
It being a very crowded bus, the only seats left were at the top, right at the back. You know the ones I mean... they were the hard grey plastic seats opposite the row of seats that line the very back of the bus. This means that you are forced to eyeball whoever is squished into the seat opposite you.
In my case, this was two Polish builders, who were very polite and moved their bags to give me more leg room.
However, the traffic being stop and start,
the seats being very slippery
and my coat being of a non-stick material
... I found myself ending up with my head in the guy's crotch when the bus jerked suddenly and I shot forward. Putting my hand out to steady myself I ended up pushing him hard in the chest before I slid off into a kneeling position, face-first, into his groinal area.
He was shocked, to say the least; his friend was laughing so hard everyone was turning round to see what had transpired.
All I could muster, between laughter and profuse apologies, was: "Well, I've not done THAT before."