I'm following in the footsteps of Errol Flynn, John Mills and Terry Thomas... no, I'm not joining a neo-Nazi organisation... but tomorrow, I shall be flying a Cessna 172 4-seater for the first time.
Captain Mermaid at you service, sir! Chocks away! 20,000 feet and circling... ME one-oh-nines at 12 o'clock... T-for-Tommy's hit... ratatatatat! That will teach you to follow T-For-Tommy down, you Bosches scum. AARGH! I've been tailed! Take that, Fritz... losing altitude...
If you never hear from the mermaid again, it's because I've crashed in a blaze of glory. But it would have been a wizard prang - what a way to go, celebrating my 30th in true Brit style... Roger, wilco, over and out...
47 comments:
Happy 30th Mermaid - it's all down south from here.
Yay ! I'm second.
(Beat ya Mutley)
Put on a pair of vintage WW2 extra-safe bloomers in case your bladder gives way in flight. It might also discourage sickos from taking liberties if you crash.
Do not forget your stapler. I hope you have a very High Flying adventure. Soon it will be "Earth to Major Mermaid".
Happy Birthday.
I take it all back. Anyone who can expose themselves in such a fashion (June 20th posting) would not have the vainglory to display an underwear model as themselves. I beg pardon from the very bottom of my bottom.
Oh dear that is a shame , a day ago you were rather fetching in an unusual way and now you have gone to seed . Just suddenly as if the age 30 magically made you old and wizened.Perhaps I could help youi across the road or open some jars for you. Its all chnaged roun` ere ` price of butter coo . Do you walk into a room and wonder why ?
Incidentally as you are blonde I had better remind you to wait until the plane lands before alighting
I'm very sad you will not be joining a neo-Nazi organization because they need fresh blood and sexy blondes like you, not just fat old disillusioned beer bellied so and so's. I reckon the neo-Nazi's need a really good PR campaign and you're the one to run it. Campaign line: Nazi is not a dirty word. Get to know your local Nazi, they're actually not the racist bigots you think they are.
oh and Chocks away old girl!
BTW - have you thought about dressing a little less youthfully , Mutton dressed as lamb you know...hey whats that ?!!!
tick
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Can you hear it ?
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What could it be , I have no idea what on earth sort of clock might be starting to tick loudly at 30
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Lets just ignore it shall we
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ARALARMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!
Give the hun a good seeing to whilst you're over there, Group Captain Moorgate.
If you see a flight sergeant slightly embarrassed and looking at his shoes when you touch down again, AVOID him. He will have bad news about your cat.
"I'm afraid it's Tinkerbelle, ma'am. He's bought it"
Wow! Happy Birthday and have fun!
Happy birthday! Will you be joining the mile high club?
Yay Im twelth.. I do not think you will get to 20,000 feet in that plane... if you do Biggles will rescue you. By the way Mr N is half as old again as you... he is even older than me.
Well happy birthday, but personally I'd be fantasising that I was in one of those shiny new Eurofighters taking out Iranian Migs!
Hallo there squaddies!
Group Captain Mermaid here, reporting for duty.
Idle, Tinkerbell is well and fighting fit.
Newmania. I sneer at biological
clocks. Biological warfare, that's more my game.
I say Stephen, you fancy a jape in a Harrier! hoorah!
Lilith - the forces' favourite pin-up.
Old Tarf - I laugh in the face of staplers.
GB - bloomers be danged! I had a wizard flight and no rogering over or out.
EmmaK - I laugh in the face of Neo-Nazis
E-K - top-hole, young man. Had a ripping time, what-ho.
Mutley - I got into London Airspace (accidentally). 5,000 above sea-level max.
Lucien Modo - apology accepted old chap.
John G - More than a Mile High, feller.
Hitch - where the fuck are you? Report for duty immediately or I'll have you up in the glasshouse for desertion.
Over and Out!
Capt.Mermaid
ps... I did actually say "ME one-oh-nines at 11 o'clock" during the lesson. I also said "roger" a lot. Which was weird, because the instructor's name was simon.
The girl who used to cut The Hitch's hair was once offered a free flying lesson shewas all for it untill he also told her he was a stage hynotyst by "profession"
The more she thought about it the less appealing the idea became.
"now just relax , this is the joystick, grasp it firmly in your hand"
Glad you landed safely , was simon stalkable?
I really should spell check before I post shouldn't I?
Glad you had a nice time.
I changed my link for you BTW - for your birthday :-)
Thanks E-K... my feelings not too hurt (see your blog)
hitch! welcome back from the world of reality. Loved the hypnotist gag. Was Simon stalkable? Hm. Well, he was very intelligent but a little too old, even by my standards.
He did tell me I was "awfully good fun" and "gung-ho", but he only looked like he wanted to pat me on the head and give me a gold star.
PS...
Newmania...
"Oh dear that is a shame , a day ago you were rather fetching in an unusual way and now you have gone to seed . Just suddenly as if the age 30 magically made you old and wizened.Perhaps I could help youi across the road or open some jars for you. Its all chnaged roun` ere ` price of butter coo . Do you walk into a room and wonder why ?
Incidentally as you are blonde I had better remind you to wait until the plane lands before alighting."
you will pay for that...
Mermaid
It wasnt a gag it was a true story from the day when I paid some bint £30 to cut my hair.
Now I spend £8 with an eastern European.
This blog is becoming a magnet for middle aged blokes who wish to flirt with you (or more), not a good thing.
Hey , I have stalked you online , your'e quite clever for a girl.
It's that photo, Hitch. Golly !
And the brains - Mmmmm !
...and the vomiting in the knickers :-)
Shall I tell you my story about the time I went to a doctor's ball and threw up all over the bar ?
Hitch - yes, interesting that. No wonder my dad got onto blogging. He's threatened many ex-Mermen with his old Hells Angels friends, I am sure he will patrol the blog of his mer-daughter. Anyway, middle aged men might be good at fixing toilets and putting up blinds for me, so I'm not too worried!
EK - the knicker-vomit: a sure turn-on for mermen. Please tell me about your vom experience, I am sure it will warm the cockles of my pimms, which I am sipping at my desk at work.
Well, quite simply ...
I used to drink at the Charterhouse which was the medical college at St Barts hospital. I was a cop and the quid pro quo was that we could use their illegal 'facility' (out of hours) and we wouldn't report them to the authorities. It was tins of John Bull out of a fridge, a few casks and cheap wine, that sort of thing. The doctor's ball had finished and they'd retired to the illegal bar where I was standing with some nurses - I was totally mong-faced. A doctor started talking to me about the elections that day (Maggie's last success) and mid sentence I projectile vomited over the beer taps at the bar. Next thing I was being dragged backwards out of the place by the barman (I had no top on BTW - me and my work chums had ripped each other's shirts off as part of a ritual.) The barman helped me to sit on a moped outside before leaving me. When I attempted to stand up I fell flat on my face. I could not stand and ended up trying to crawl home. Every so often a group of trainee doctors would put me in the recovery position and change my direction. I had to turn myself to face home over and over - it took ages. I decided to do a monkey walk using the railings leading out of the place - halfway along I met a bloke dressed in mourning suit in the same state as me, we sort of clambered round each other.
I was found two hours later at the entrance gate face downards. Someone had been kind enough to bring my coat out and put it on top of me - this was the depths of winter after all.
I had to type this fast, gotta go.
Feel free to read... though I am an infrequent poster... I only indulge when I am in Blighty.
EK - that has got to be a top story. Perhaps we should club together for a joint blog - "drinking tales"? I am sure between the two of us we could present an amusing - embarrassing - read.
Perhaps, Mermaid - except people would get wise to the punchline to every anecdote "... and then I threw up." I'm afraid to say I've been so louch in my life - not so bad now, I hasten. The medical bar incident was actually funnier than that - I've left out some of the discriptiveness for brevity. I think we ought to include poo tales too just for a bit of variety ;-)
I was once hung off a door holding on with my feet with my hands tied behind my back having a yard of ale(it was water) poured down my trouser leg whilst trying to drink a pint
does that count?
Have a nice weekend Beast of moorgate
same to the rest of you
I think I saw you...did you have a big banner hanging out the back??
Happy Birthday Mermaid!
At this time of year (but many years ago) I got as far as my first solo on my way to my Private Pilots Licence before a variety of events overtook me...the happiest of which was meeting the future Mrs Lakelander and getting married to her.
That was about 18 years ago and it was the most fantastic experience I have ever had in my life. Yes - going first solo and getting married!
YES - going "first solo" in a light aircraft beats every experience I have ever had before or since (my first solo was in a Cessna 150.) I could bore for Britain on this subject and will probably stick it on my blog when I finally get round to starting it.
On the subject of boring for Britain, your photo shows a chap in an Irwin flying jacket. Mrs Lakelander and I have matching Irwins, which add about 4" to our width in our little British sports car.
Stick with it, Mermaid...after all these years, I still look back on my PPL with very fond memories.
Hallo old crone ...have you done it yet ?
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Must stop that damn noise
For me no experience has yet beaten throwing up over the med school bar.
Happy days.
... and as one who is rooted firmly in terra firma beneath the flight path of an aerodrome I do not begrudge the airbourne classes their pleasures - but do have a care for us on the ground; some of the circling aeroplanes sound remarkably like badly maintained lawnmowers at 200 feet causing yours truly to lament in the local press:
'Never, in the field of human leisure, has the peace of so many been sacrificed for the pleasure of so few.'
That letter did get the flight path changed.
Hmmm - me thinks I'll stick to telling vom stories.
Ammend to 2000 feet.
Good weekend all.
Lakelander - how lovely to be paid a visit by a fellow airman. I'm sure getting married was wonderful; I'm not sure that I would not invest in an ejector seat though, just in case the missus says things like: "you're going too fast.... watch out for that cloud"... seriously, top stuff.
Newmania. There is no biological clock ticking. I think you're going through a Crisis aren't you? There are help groups for that toots x
I once vomited copiously over Richard Rodgers... I am told I murmured something about the Pompidou Centre having all its pipework on the outside, as some form of justification. Anyway he no longer returns my calls.
To throw up is much better and throwing in the towel.
Well Meramid, so your bash is tonight. I do hope you have a great time. It's margaretia time, it's five o'clock somewhere.
Tout le gang, disez "Bonjour, Bonne Fete."
Mermaid:
I was introduced to the future Mrs Lakelander by a fellow pilot and mutual friend (which is why he was my Best Man at our wedding.)
Mrs Lakelander never checks me on my driving habits, but then her everyday transport is a Boxster S, which she believes should be used.
Happy Birthday and conquer the skies.
Cheers
Lucien - your drinking problem sounds cultured, and therefore, should be cultivated.
Nocturnal - thanks
Old Tarf - Birdie celebrations went off swimmingly, as long as I kept two exes and two prospectives away from each other.
Lakelander - what's the point of having something if you don't use it? I often tell my blonde friends that regarding their brains... to no avail....
You should have let them meet. Who knows who would have gone out with who. Then you would have know the truth.
I have a balcony over here that's ready to dangle.
oh, they sort of did meet despite my efforts. I don't care a fig for any of them anyway except as friends. Two are so immature they probably think Sesame Street is a good excuse for staying at home, while another is so old in his mentality that his favourite book is the Readers' Digest. Honestly! Where do I find them?
How exciting!! I always wanted to be a pilot when I was a kid, but my eyes just got worse and worse.
How did you do? Was it a success? Hugs.
That's a shame Dan, but you can still do lessons, even if you don't pilot you can still learn to be a co-pilot.. :) Or, do as my best friend did, and parachute out of a plane! (she can dive, I can drive - good compromise).
I have considered diving out of a plane! That would be lots of fun! Thanks for the encouraging words! That's very sweet of you.
My friend who took a dive can be contacted through the link on my website for Paddy's Page... she can give you lots of tips! You should do it, it would be amazing.
Ive been in a plane but I neither want to fly it or jump out of it as long as it takes me from a to b.
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