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Friday, September 21, 2007

Finger-lickin' good!

A bargain bucket of joy

For several weeks I have been craving a bargain bucket. To the uninitiated this is a cardboard tub of crispy KFC bits in that finger-lickin good crispy coating. A rotunda of joy. A barrel of golden spicy-scented edible fine-tasting beastliness that you just shouldn’t and yet… yet it is so so good. Oh it is goooooooooood.

But I have not had any for a long time. I have not even thought about it since at least April, when I began going in earnest to the gym and eating healthily. I have passed by the Colonel’s smiling face on the local KFC “restaurant” without so much as a glance. But recently I have craved that meat like I have rarely craved anything. I would give up all my staplers for one mouth-watering box of chicken-lite delight.

I started seeing his face in my dreams, in trees, even NASA images picked up a KFC satellite image of the Colonel on the moon



But I overcame. I did not give in. I picked up some goujons from Sainsburys’ instead as I did not want to start down the fast food route again. And I was glad I did, for in searching for a picture of a bargain bucket - this was when I was still in the middle of deciding to get a tub - I came across some horrific images. It cannot be said that I believe all of these allegations - after all, what is online is largely unpoliced and therefore the laws of libel and slander are much harder to uphold when dealing with cyber-space. That hot chick whose only train of thought seems to centre around sex may turn out to be a balding, scab-encrusted mass murdering man serving time in a state penitentiary. The man who seems to be a wonderful, charming brainiac turns out to be Neo-Nazi who wears tight pink lederhosen and rubber ducks on his strong and Aryan nipples. Things are never what they seem, that’s all I’m saying.

So with that caveat, I bring you the KFC hall of shame, courtesy of Peta, the animal rights campaigners…


A typical KFC chicken coop

PETA image


Open letter to the chairman of KFC From Peta Director Ingrid Newkirk, states:

'Each bird whom KFC puts into a box or bucket had a miserable life and a frightening death. People would be shocked to see our footage of a KFC supplier's employee who walks through a barn, lighting lamps and letting flames fall on the terrified birds. The air inside these filthy barns reeks of ammonia fumes."

Another indictment on we over-indulged westerners who cant be bothered to stick a carrot in a kettle and boil it up for a healthy, low-fat treat.


So if that has not put me off having any KFC ever again in my whole entire life, then the threat of the chicken wing… the flabby chicken wing that awaits all the unwary fast food eaters in the world should have put the final nail in the coffin of the Colonel’s spicy chicken box of delights… too much KFC and you will look like this:


UK teenager on a diet

67 comments:

electro-kevin said...

This post was bollocks.

electro-kevin said...

Well I have to be cruel to be kind wit'ya, Darlin'.

Okay - okay ... 'twas just a joke ...

I lurrved it ! LURRRVED it !!!

Swoon !

Swim, Fishee - swim !!!

xx

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

it's good to be back! congrats on being first to be cruelly kind to me!

swimming away, Mermsx

john.g. said...

If you believe those nutters from PETA, you'll believe anything.

Steven_L said...

Have you seen how they treat cod? Doesn't stop me eating fish and chips!

Gorilla Bananas said...

I'm glad you weren't tempted, Mermaid. You have to set a good example for all the blackguards who read your blog. Make them feel unworthy as they tweak their nipples with their rubber ducks.

electro-kevin said...

I suppose you want serious answers to this, Mermins.

I buy free range generally and use the local butcher. I can't remember the last time I had fast food - this isn't a matter of principle but taste, I've grown out of it ... even curry too which now tastes bland to me rather like baby food for grown-ups. If I must do fast food it's nice baguettes or, at worst, Burger King.

As for the poor chook-chooks in your picture isn't this just typical of our affordable life-style and how it is propped up ? That it is based on animal suffering for food and human suffering for material goods (3rd world)

Lilith said...

Can't eat chicken anymore. Unless I have been formally introduced to the bird before it's killed. Same with most meat. We are very very lucky down here in Somerset. Lots of local organic farms where animals are traditionally raised and bred and taste gorgeous.

Ed said...

I generally cook my carrots in a saucepan, but that's just a personal preference.

(Actually I haven't cooked carrots in ages, can't stand them)

Fatman said...

Tony Giardino: So who's in this Pentavirate?

Stuart Mackenzie: The Queen, The Vatican, The Gettys, The Rothschilds, *and* Colonel Sanders before he went tits up. Oh, I hated the Colonel with 'is wee beady eyes, and that smug look on his face. "Oh, you're gonna buy my chicken! Ohhhhh!"

Charlie Mackenzie: Dad, how can you hate "The Colonel"?

Stuart Mackenzie: Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes ya crave it fortnightly, smartass!


-From So I Married An Axe Murderer (1993)

I hadn't realized how interesting a character Harland "The Colonel" Sanders was until I read Eric Schlosser's Fast Food Nation. Before re-inventing himself as a Southern Colonel, Sanders was an insurance salesman, a lawyer (without a law degree), a railroad fireman, steamboat operator, gas station attendant and hotel owner. Although there are persistent rumours of the Colonel having thing to do with the KKK, he still remains a fairly lovable character...unless you are a black person or a chicken.

martin tupper said...

I always thought that KFC chicken came from massive petrie dishes somewhere on an industrial estate just off the M6. I'm disillusioned.

melanie said...

don't cook carrots, you loose all the crunchy goodness.

you should also look at pictures of clogged arteries as a deterrent against eating that crap. the silent killer.

also they shave off the ends of the chickens beaks so they don't peck each other when they're crammed in tiny cages.

i recommend reading "fast food nation". that should put anyone off eating any fast food. half of it is poo. which as much as you may like poo, i don't recommend eating it.

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

Melanie - half of it is poo. which as much as you may like poo, i don't recommend eating it.

I dont think it did any harm to the Pink Flamingo stars...

Ed - I too usually put carrots in saucepans. But once in the office I accidentally put my carrot in the kettle and forgot it was there. I think there is a post on that somewhere.


Fatman - I KNEW it! I guess I've had to go cold Turkey on the Colonel... he he he he oh hell I'm the only one laughing here.

Gorilla B:
you think they're blackguards wearing rubber ducks? Hm. I am sure the majority of my blogging network neither have aryan nipples nor a penchant for rubber duckies... OR DO THEY????

The Hitch said...
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The Hitch said...
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The Hitch said...
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Mermaid of Moorgate said...

I'm sure Electro Kev would gladly let you devour a Family Feast from his manly torso...

The Hitch said...
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Biggles said...

Halo pritty mermade. well, yes, i has bin moast bizzy with my job and orl that. i am not shure yoo shood eat the kentucky fride rat it do'nt look to good two mee, i think yoo shood try eeting hills sigh-ence like wot i duz, it is luverly and yummy and fills my tummy, and wen i eet i purr ever so loudly.
how cum on facebook yoo say yoo ar desperet too go too bed at lunchtime, 1pm?? I do agree it is orlweighs nice too have a nap in the middle of the day.

buy buy, pritty mermaid from your frend, biggles the toppest cat of orl.

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

Ah! Biggles, you have found out who I is in real-ity! 'Fraid I did mean 1am, you are a clever puss-cat for finding that out. I think I know who your father is. Perhaps he can join the Facebook coterie? Did you discover Monty? He's got his own Catbook.

electro-kevin said...

Wouldn't let that stuff anywhere near my heavenly body, MM. ;-)

The Colonel said...

Bloody hell Mermaid!

You've managed to get a photo of The Hitch enjoying himself on a Saturday night. Jabba the Hitch, eh?

It's a shame your last posting seems to have sent him into one of those tail-spin delete and self-destruct moments.

You witch!

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

oh please don't tell me the Hitch has flounced out again! We love the Hitch! dangit! I'd hate to be the reason for his demise!

mutleythedog said...

Why on Earth did you want to go on a diet in the first place? I am by the way a transvestite in real life... just so you know.

The Hitch said...

thank you for apologising to Eve
I hope you can forgive me for the bile I spouted in your direction

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

didnt see any bile Hitch. I just read her blog today and saw there was stuff on it that meant she was - I went to your blog and saw that a lot of posts had been removed so I assumed there was some reaction. I seriously thought someone was joking.

Anonymous said...

bile+hitch = bitch?? :-) lol!
cant have one without the other. Go together like bread and butter. thats why we love him merms

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

Love? Well maybe. He is the Hitch after all.

Captain oh my captain said...

sure but noones posted anything on his blog since he had a rant at you... didnt' you see it? first class bile

electro-kevin said...

Yay ! 30 on a post about Bargain Buckets - how DO you do it ???

xxx

EmmaK said...

What always put me off KFC was when I was a kid there was a news story that rats had been found deep fried at KFC, whether or not this was an urban myth I don't know but I have not managed to go near the place since in case I end up with a battered rat.

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

Yes - exactly! I'm sure it's not really rat, but you have hit upon something here - all it takes is one rumour/news story/urban myth to take hold and then a whole generation will eschew KFC in favour of Subway. Speaking of which, did anyone else have a meatball marinara for lunch today?

Anonymous said...

Merms you're holdin out well - being civil to hitch after his vitriol yesterday? What a wonderfully gracious woman/mermaid you are. May I meet your parents?

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

what did he say??????????? I'm really curious now!? Was it really that bad? Should I be doing a Hitch Flounce?

Lilith said...
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Mermaid of Moorgate said...

I assumed it was something about Eve, I saw an anonymous comment, someone said it was Eve and I thought they were joking. I had a look this morning before hopping onto Hitch's blog and I made my apols to Eve for being hasty. After all, we're on the same team. Still like to know what the Hitch said so that Old Tarf can hunt him down; now that I've been single for 8 months he's got no-one to lambast.

electro-kevin said...

It seemed out of character is all I can say, Merms.

The Hitch said...

Not out of character
I just go for the jugular when somebody trashes somebody I care about.
However illogical that care may seem to some who dont know what they are talking about

Lilith said...
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Lilith said...
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Lilith said...
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electro-kevin said...

Group hug ?

You know I'm only jesting when I do all that 'fishee' crap don'tchya, Mermintrudes ???

But you're a much valued blogger by all here, I suspect 'specially Hitch ... me too.

Swim, fisheee, swim !

xxxx...

jonathan hemlock said...

I'm really worried by last night's events.

I volunteered a really nice comment about The Hitch on his blog and noted that comment moderation was on (odd.)

Then I saw that various comments had been deleted - my nice comment about the old reprobate had not appeared - and there were no further postings today.

What really worries me is that The Hitch might want his money back...

Lilith said...

Group Hug PLLLEEEASE?

Old Tarf said...

Well, KFC. I expect that since you didnot give into temptation.

That Weight Watchers will make you a Saint. A shiny example of how to avoid fast food and go for a sticky bun, instead.

As for mutley's comment that he is a "transvestite". I always wondered about the photo of him having a little too much eye shadow.

jonathan hemlock said...

Friends:

The Hitch is back on his blog, but with comment moderation still enabled.

I think we should take the advice of E-K and Lilith and give him a group hug.

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

Fine... but I didn't "trash" anyone! I made ONE comment, and said that judging by the content of a blog, that someone was as christian as Richard Dawkins. I had a look yeserday and realised I'd been hasty, apologised of my own volition to the person concerned and there was no harm done. Hardly a cause for such aggro. ONE COMMENT!!!!!! Blimey, people have said worse to me... like calling my cat a C***t. Or making offensive and sexual comments.... oh? Who would that be I wonder? Oh? did I go around deleting all their comments? Oh, no, I didn't... Maybe because I actually give people the benefit of the doubt.

In fact, let's look at some of the rude and offensive posts people have put on my blog about me... and you don't see me being nasty or hurtful to anyone in retaliation. Do you?

Also, given the fact that it's probably the FIRST such comment I'd made about anyone, I would have expected a bit of "benefit of doubt" or "That's not like merms, think she's made a mistake here" or maybe a nudge in the right direction.

Anyone would think I'd been a complete bitch judging by all this mean behaviour. ONE COMMENT, No swear words, Honest mistake, assumed someone was joking, apologies made, blimey!!!

-eve- said...

*Laughing* Okay, your comment is the funniest one, mermaid (I like funny). Thank you for that apology (especially since I didn't get to read any of the deleted comments either so had no idea what you or anyone else said). Hmmm.... I realize that perhaps I'm not worth defending (and yes, I don't deny my past *wry smile*), but I'll fight anyone who has anything bad to say about the Hitch....so bring it on (not you, mermaid. You're on the good guys' side ;-))

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

What! Of course you are worth defending! I'd defend you! I'd throw semtex-loaded mooncakes in your honour!

I might have to fight you over the Hitch though, I've been sent some of the stuff he said before he deleted his posts... completely out of proportion, really hurtful and given the harsh things he's said to me on my blog that I've just let go or laughed off, I think he's taken this WAY out of proportion.

However, I am also under the sneaking suspicion that he and others might like to see us fight, especially if we are in bikinis and covered in mud... so I will back down and hand you the trophy. I am not a pretty sight in a bikini.

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

I'm not a pretty sight full stop... sigh.

Anonymous said...
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Mermaid of Moorgate said...

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mutleythedog said...

Eve is man anyway - shhe has not got a fishy fanny like you!

mutleythedog said...

I meant in the American way of fanny - obviously! I would not want any misunderstanding!!

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

Mutley, I THINK you're sticking up for me, so thanks! Eve is a lovely woman, you're right, she is man as in "mankind", and she's not got a fishy behind... although that sounds really wrong... 'scuse me, there's a smell of fish around here... sorry, that's my mermadian ass.. not a nice image.

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

PS. Hitch, I'll send you a bargain bucket of KFC as a peace-maker. We can all eat of the golden crunch, feed each other coleslaw and share a diet coke.

The Hitch said...

Mermaid
as you said it was out of proportion , however I have an attack dog personality , even face to face. Can be charming but if you attack me or mine I BITE (+:

It was a misunderstanding between three of us . I also probably over reacted as I am hyper sensitive to Eve being dismissed as a LBFM , she is a highly intelligent and amusing woman , as you have started to notice.
As to the mud wrestling , both tarf and I would probably slap you both for doing it . Kev keeps asking me to partner him in the dartmoor tag team oil wrestling championships ,unfortunatley I cant find a bikini in my size and dont want to borrow one of his (skid marks)
I had a KFC BTW , 6 hot wings, so thats me done for another year.
I still have the bones on my desk to remind me of how good they really are.
Hope you and Monty are both well
Nick

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

Hello Hitch,

thanks for that image and for the email... .but What's an LBFM?

The Hitch said...

didnt send you an email

lbfm is a dreogatory phrase for asian women
It dehumanises them

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

I didn't write that?!? I'm not racist!!!!

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

Oh and I meant post, not email. Was going slightly mad. But I didn't write lbfm.

The Hitch said...

I know
I used the term

can we just forget the whole thing please?

Although the idea of you and eve wrestling over me was a damn good idea.
wrestling in coleslaw whilst I and monty devour a bargain bucket and look on betting on the outcome -my money is on Eve- she knows "death grips" (+:

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

But I have a VERY strong tail and can hold my breath for a long time.

I have a lovely image of you feeding monty a chicken wing and "bonding" with him, man to man. Aw.

The whole thing is forgotten.

But now I need a bargain bucket!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I think this affair may have scared off Lilith. Please come back, Lilith!!!

The Hitch said...

Thanks merms
xx

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

AW! Group hug!

The Hitch said...

Im dead again
for good this time

Have a real Life to live

cant be doing with all this crap
xxx to merm

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

I write a blog about farting in the office, and get 8 comments.

I write about chasing two pikeys on bikes down the street and get 6 comments.

I write about a bargain bucket and get 66 comments. Life is not fair.