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Monday, September 10, 2007

Here's one John G prepared earlier

John G John's in the pub instructed me to do the following:

Write a coherent(ish)story that must contain 10 words designated by the Tag-er. Our posts [John G and Spanish Goth] are done... These are yours:

CAT
MERMAID
SEX
WINDOW
POO
RECORD
DRAGON
FART
SOUP
HELP.

So... that was it - I've used the words. Hopefully this will keep Mutley happy as he's been bugging me to do a new post for a few days now.

Phoey. I've been told I can't cheat like that. Botheration! John G's one is MUCH better than mine as well. Condarnit fella!

Copy:

William was busy eating his soup when he thought he heard a noise outside his window. At first he was too lazy to investigate, but he could not shake off the nagging feeling that someone was shouting for help. "Poo", he said, not being a man given to stronger or fruitier epithets. Putting down his spoon, he stood up and walked towards the lighthouse door, pausing only to emit a thoroughly satisfying fart, which rumbled down his trouser leg and echoed up the stairwell. "Nice", he said. "That should have been registered by the Guinness Book of Records."
He slowly unlocked the door, subconsciously wafting the fresh salt air into the hallway, which was still fuggy with his gut-rottingly foul butt-breath. On the step was Lucifer, his bat-eared cat, who was staring out to sea and growling like a hungry dragon.
"'Ello Luci", William said, scratching the furry black beastie on its back. "What's out there?"
"Help"... the plea carried faintly now upon the ocean breeze. Being a calm day, William walked to the edge of the rocks and peered out into the briny mass. A hand? Was that a hand waving by the abandoned jetty? He squinted. Yes... Quick as a flash, he unmoored his rowing boat and headed out past the rocks, carefully, slowly, but with a sense of purpose. As he neared the tumbledown jetty, he could see a beautiful woman, seemingly entangled in some wire netting. "Help me" she said as she struggled to free herself.
The nearer he got, the more he realised this was the woman of his dreams - flowing black hair, eyes the colour of the sea after a storm... He reached out with the oar but she seemed scared of him. "No, just release me" she pleaded. He stopped, puzzled. As he hesitated, he looked down and realised with shock that she had a tail. A fish tail, shimmery with myriad rainbows in the shallow salt water.
"I cannot leave the sea" she said, "Or I will die".
Numbly, he nodded and, as if it were an everyday affair, he set about cutting the enmeshing wires that were pressing painfully into her flesh. Five minutes later, she was free.
"Thank you" she smiled, and with that, the mermaid was gone, back into the deeps and back into legend.
Broken-hearted, he returned to his lighthouse. Picking up Lucifer in one hand, he opened the door. "No sex for me again tonight," he muttered.

THAT'S IT... Now I tag MUTLEY. Your Words Are:

Lightbulb
Marmalade
Cheam
Pudding
Flossing
Cavity
Varnish
Bead
Lemur
Astronaut

33 comments:

The Hitch said...

So no happy ending then?

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

Happy for the mermaid I guess. Life ain't full of happy endings hitch, but if you are sad now, I will construct an alternative ending for you x

Gorilla Bananas said...

He wanted to have sex with a half-fish? Someone should tell him that a gentleman does not take advantage of a lady who is legless.

Anonymous said...

are you in some way informing the world that you are sexless, young merms?

alucard said...

I think this is one for Dr. Freud to mull over. Pity he's dead.

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

Ah! A backwards Dracula! Always wanted to meet a vampire with learning difficulties. Hi.

Anony - Um, I had not read it that way, but now you mention it, it does have startling resonance with my real life

Gorilla - Each to his own, that's what I say, each to his own

john.g. said...

Mermaid, I highly approve, good work! LOL.

electro-kevin said...
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Biggles said...

Well, of corse bloggs is about hour reel lives, mine is. Thank yoo four likeing my tummy soo much, i like it two. bout stroking it, ackshirley, my tummy is moast privet and i does not like to have it stroked but thats wot a top cat can dee-side. biggles. look arfter monty hee is only smorl.

Newmania said...

Hey you`ve linked to me in a amusing way , how sweet. Yes sorry I`m trying to do the poltiics thing at the moment . Pity because I do like to play games with words and with bodies as well.


While you oot are having fun and am religiously droning on about waht an arse brown is...I `m a sad case , I know I know

Dr. Jung said...

May I say that your choice of words for Mr Mutley is very revealing to a student of psychology?

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

Dr. Jung said...

May I say that your choice of words for Mr Mutley is very revealing to a student of psychology?


REALLY? I just wrote down what I had in my desk drawer

Dr. Jung said...

Precisely.

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

Hello there biggles! Always a pleasure to speak with the top cat. I am sorry you don't like belly rubs - Monty mostly likes them, as long as I can pull my hand away in time. He is smorl, but is growing all the time.

rdlaing said...
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Verge said...

"VARNISH my CAVITY" said the ASTRONAUT. (Years in the abandoned space-station had made him a terrible pervert.)
"You must be joking," said Yuri, his genetically-modified LEMUR. "I varnished that ghastly pit last night."
"Pretty please?"
"Oh, all right, then. When I've finished FLOSSING. I've got chunks of peel from that MARMALADE PUDDING stuck in my canines. And we'll need to put in a new LIGHTBULB first. Remember what happened last time I couldn't see what I was doing."
"Don't remind me. Are we over London, yet? I don't want you to start until we're over London."
"Too late. We shot over CHEAM three minutes ago. What's that?"
Yuri's boss had become religiose as well as polymorphously perverse. He was fingering a rosary.
"One venerable BEAD after another..." he mumbled. "Let's get on with it, and don't forget to wash your brush before you start."

adler said...
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The Hitch said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Hitch said...

pension
coprophiliac
dentist
beaver
monty
Hitch
drill
ream
dandruff
ejaculate


make a story out of that cat woman
(+;
And no swear words
your dad is reading this .

martin tupper said...

smeg
lactate
Reginald
monkey
sock
chestnuts
slapper
Oldham

.....sorry I haven't got an ending yet.

idle said...

"Mushroom" soup led to fart, poo, record sex session and chasing of dragon. Mermaid's cat calls for help from window.

There. Easy. Don't know why it took you so long.

Terry Tibbs said...
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Mermaid of Moorgate said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mermaid of Moorgate said...

PS - EK, that was a great story by the way! he he

Anonymous said...

What do mermaids taste like? Can you fry them with dill and butter?

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

No you can't eat mermaids, they squirt out ink like a squid when you try to slice up their tails. Only their ink is actually made up of nitric acid and it will burn your flesh and make your eyeballs wither in your skull.

The Hitch said...

Only their ink is actually made up of nitric acid and it will burn your flesh and make your eyeballs wither in your skull.

so no watersports with you then M

lucky luke said...

Shall I compare thee to a summers day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.

I love nitric acid.

Nonny said...

Miss Maid you are a literary genius. I commend you!

Terry Tibbs said...

Miss Mermaid the whole point of a swingers party is that you have a sex life!!

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

I'm bored. I need a bargain bucket. I'm going to do a boring post about bargain buckets.

The Hitch said...

DONT DO IT

unless you get me some hot wings

KFC is one of my guilty secrets

mutleythedog said...

I shall be happy to write a story containing these words Ms Mermaid...