All day today I have been guffing with impunity. It's horrid. The air around my desk smells like the inside of an old bin that's not been cleaned properly. Or like the back door of KFC. Which is probably about the same thing. (If the lawyers are reading this, that was a joke).

I had beans last night with my chicken and rice (oh how ethnic I am) and with the help of lots of fruit today I am bloated like a sewer rat. I've given up being embarrassed, as I had been on my first week. Like I give a damn. At least it's stopped people coming up to put random pen-lids on my desk, or to check that I've put the right paper in the right bin.

And now I finally get to go home after another day of gruel (no, not porridge)... I meant a gruelling day. My brain is about to pop because there is so much in the way of protocol that I do not know - so many different people to include in a host of processes and systems and ORGANISATION. Maybe my flat computer monitor is actually the thought police. I'd better fart quietly if that's the case.

What will I do when I get home (stopping off at Home Group first to fart all over Alix's best sofa, serves her right for choosing white) will be to stay up until after 12, when my noisy polski neighbours finally go to sleep and stop making a noise. Until then, I will be contorting my hands into various shapes and sizes, making even more jewellery, pricing it, and pricing cards, finishing up some other cards, possibly getting some of the candle holders painted up and ready to roll.

I really can't wait until my craft fair is over, it is taking me so much time preparing it that when I try to pray in Church all I can visualise instead of the bread and the wine is a new design for a necklace. AARRGHHH!