Someone once asked me whether everything I wrote was true. Sadly, it is. This is my life. This stuff happens. I may be nutty (Hitch!) but at least every day is a mini-adventure with me.
This blog is an account of my Tuesday this week.
Good Day: I wake up, relatively refreshed, ready to face the tube strike
Bad Day: I have woken up refreshed because I slept through the alarm
Good Day: But I am still in time to catch the dustmen, as I throw a coat on over my jammies and run downstairs with my bin bag
Bad Day: Shutting my door behind me,locking myself out
Good Day: I know I can climb up my downstairs’ neighbour’s drainpipe to get in (Having done so three times before in my life, see: Blinds and moet
Bad Day: My bathroom window is shut
Good Day: My downstairs neighbour is in, and lets me into the garden, gives me a table and a ladder and helps me into my kitchen window
Bad Day: Once inside, I head to the bathroom where I see lots of stringy things on the floor. On closer inspection, they are evidently jointed, thick, and hairy. And there are eight of them scattered about. This means that the arachnid monster was snargling* in my bathroom all night long… eeek!
Good Day: I realise that Monty has saved me from the lang-legged beastie by eating it, although he may have tortured the poor creature to death. Monty is the Defender of Female Bathrooms! Huzzah!
More Good News: I am on time for work!
*Snargle: The noise a spider makes when it sits in its dark corner, alone, brooding on its black thoughts, contemplating wickedness, and shaking its mandibles ruefully at society.
47 comments:
idle
loved that
Everyone can see you're a tough cookie, Mermaid. That's why you don't get much sympathy when you lock yourself out. I sometimes worry about you, but never for long.
Mermaid, a great post as usual. Try this, Spanish Goth challenged me to write a coherent(ish)story that must contain 10 words designated by him. Our posts are done...These are yours'
CAT
MERMAID
SEX
WINDOW
POO
RECORD
DRAGON
FART
SOUP
HELP
Have a look first, then have fun, You must post the story. Tag someone else!
Jon M -
Have a look first, then have fun, You must post the story. Tag someone else!
That actually sounds quite fun - and they are mostly my favourite words - Cats and Poo! Hoorah!
Sorry - John G. I will post and have a look at yours - right now I am going to cry with all this stoopid work
I have a mental picture of you shinning up the drainpipe in your pink brushed nylon babydoll nightie. :-)
"pink brushed nylon babydoll nightie."
Enjoy the vision while it lasts. They were blue cotton jammies with sheep on, but anyway.
(the nightie would black BTW)
Idle, you have met the fat git then?
he greeted me the first time with
"you're fatter than I expected"
Rich seeing as how he is even fatter, I retorted , "so are you , and youve got a wonky scarred face"
Which as you know he has.
I like him , last time I met him it was in his cellar , he was wearing shorts and sandals that revealed hobbit like feet.
it's your attitude towards spiders that is bringing these misfortunes down upon you.
everyone knows spiders are good luck to have in the house.
Melanie
Tell that to an Australian!
I've known him since 1998, hitch and worked with him briefly when the markets were flying before the dotcom crash.
He used to be normally shaped and I witnessed the ballooning in weight to its current unsustainable bulk.
I think I can say that we liked each other from the start. Funny thing was he barely mentioned politics. Now we talk about almost nothing else.
He used to be normally shaped and I witnessed the ballooning in weight to its current unsustainable bulk.
*cough* I of course have the 28 inch waist and 40 inch chest of my youth, as no doubt do you.
"so are you , and youve got a wonky scarred face"
how delicately put hitch. 28 inch waist and 40 inch chest - are you sure it wasn't YOU who had the breast implants, instead of your first wife?
Mermaid
You think I should have replied "why thank you sir"?
He is lucky that I have a similar sense of humour.
Never been married , just lived with the tits that I paid for over a period of 9 years.
I cannot f***** believe that you fancy Cameron.
I know he is a clean cut family man and that you are desperate with the old bio clock ticking , but come on )+;
Swoon !
Wonderful writing, yet again, Darling.
Swim, Fisheee ! Swim !!!
x x
xxxxx
xxx
x
Hitch,
Rules are different in Australia because it has the most poisonous animals and plants in the world, all in one country. Even the funny looking platypus is deadly! And those cute tiny little box jellies.
Also the water goes down the drain the opposite way there.
There's also the multi-fanged man-eating minge ... down under.
And does the multi-fanged man-eating minge go down the opposite way as well, E-K?
I wouldn't like to try to find out, Idle.
It was John G who tagged you, I'm jon M will you pay attention!!! Poor old spiders, they only snargle at nasty blurbuzzing flies and should be liked!
Haaaahaaahaaa!
Hello Melanie!
everyone knows spiders are good luck to have in the house.
REALLY. Well since I woke up one morning after having a dream in which I was hoovering up a spider, only to look in the mirror and see three hairy legs sticking out of my mouth, I have not been too fond of them.
YES
I ate a spider in my sleep.
John M - No, I have also been chased by a spider across the hallway. It definitely snargled at me.
'the world is a funny place' (Mermaid)
Not as funny as the blogosphere is!
Are you a vegetarian? Otherwise I'm not sure what's wrong with eating a spider in your sleep.
Dr Freud says that the fact that you did it in your sleep and harbor ill will towards them when you're awake implies that you have a deep dark urge to eat spiders, which you feel shameful about, which is why you only do it in your sleep and then unconsciously blame the spiders for making you desire eating them.
It seems that this experience was worse for the spider than it was for you. I think having you in the house might be bad luck for spiders, actually.
I used to be scared of spiders until I bought a pink-toed tarantula named Pookie and took care of her and fed her grasshoppers. Now I'm quite fond of them. :)
Melanie:
"I think having you in the house might be bad luck for spiders, actually."
Ha ha ha! That's very true-they will have to endure days of poor DIY and nights of chasing and chomping by spider-munching Monty, and somnambulant snacking by me!
Hilarious! How did you get to work? on a bike?
Hi EmmaK!
One can't ride a bike in heels - I took the bus!
What`s the problem with Spiders You`all? My Pussy, Chloe, ceremoniously, lines em all up and "twacks" them with her great big white, Pussy fists, then leaves them to be hoovered up !
What is your Pussy doing Mermaid ?
True Blue
You are Mrs Slocombe and I claim my £5
Hitch: I thought you would have guessed by now. It`s the True Blue Rinse that`s the give-away !
Must go now, Mr Humphries needs me in the Lingerie Dept. He`s very "big" in Ladies Knickers you know! He said to tell you, how much he enjoyed the picky of you in your "Kelvins", yesterday and "I`m Free"
The fiver`s in the post !
MoM, just this morning I realized what you meant when you asked which blog I look at the most. I forgot about all the blogs I started and abandoned on blogger. I might pick some of them back up now that I remember them. But mostly I just pay attention to the LJ that is linked on Catty's page. I used to "mirror" it on stickywire but got tired of posting everything in two places.
Snarglee...
Mutley,
Everyone knows that "Snarglee" is the past tense of Snargle. And can only occur after a spider has eaten. It is a result of indigestion, our version of "Burp".
Snar Glee- meaning a happy for the moment spider who is full and wishes to pass gas.(Snar) When the event happens (Glee).
Instead of thinking wicked thoughts and gnashing ones mandibles woefully at society. Is full of glee and not so much snargle.
Thought ,you would like to know.
There was another spider outside my flat but that, too, was dead - upside-down with its long evil legs cricked up. I think the polish neighbour had flattened him, which is a shame, I don't believe in killing things per se. Monty did try to eat the dead beast, but I swept it up out of his reach.
One of My mothers cats caught a mouse last night
First in 16 years , she was very proud (so was the cat)
Hitch - "she was very proud (so was the cat)" momentus indeed. That deserved champagne.
If you don't post something new soon it will be Tuesday again, and this will turn into 'Ground Hog Day'- really some people are so lazy..
For once I agree with Mutley!! The young have no sense of their responsibleity to the rest of the world.
You sure Tawlk funny. What the hell's a dustmen? And Soweee sounds like a pig call...
Well, regardless, cheers anyway.
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